- me on my way home from class: oh man i'm gonna get so much work done let me make a to do list and get that shit done quickly and effectively i'm so pumped
- me the second i get home: nah
'what kind of guy would leave a usb key containing highly classified intelligence behind two pieces of gum in a vending machine'
probz the same kind of guy who hides his spare house key under a haphazard cinderblock that literally anyone could kick over by accident
Life is so hard when your best friend is a 9.5/10 and you’re a strong 4 with the right filter and lighting
look at this snape i found
it seems normal but then
what is this
turn to page 394 motherfucker
If an intruder ever comes to fucking murder you. You throw your mother fucking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever fuck around with you if you did that.
STOP REBLOGGING THIS PLEASE ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFFFEEE
hey remember that law i forget exactly how it goes but its something along the lines of ‘if you murder someone you go to jail’ whatever happened to that? is that still a thing
not if you’re a cop